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Nearing my 16th week...hopefully I should start feeling it move soon. Judging by the last scan it's going to be kicking hell out of me when I do; I've already started experiencing mild, sharp pains which may or may not be caused by internal kicking.



Got my 'anomaly' scan (scary thought) on the 2nd April, and I've also got an appointment with the genetics counsellor on the 5th March; Gav's got a history of various things in his family so, even though he's not afflicted himself, we're going to see if we can get the baby screened for them. Not that it'll make any difference to whether we keep it or not; it's purely a matter of preparation.



Had the screening blood tests which all came back normal, so that's a relief. I'm still getting sickness but it's not as severe; maybe the tales of it easing off are actually going to be true in my case after all! Although I don't really mind to be honest; everyone I know who's had a sickly pregnancy has gone on to have an easy labour...I know which I'd prefer!



One thing which is upsetting me about this whole thing - and for once it's not Gav-related! - is the nursery job. Every pregnant woman/couple thinks and fantasises about how they're going to decorate the nursery for their baby. Unfortunately, as I'm stuck in a 1 bedroom flat, and could be for some time after the birth, I'm not going to have that experience. It really hit me when I received a free nursery thermometer, that I wasn't going to need it.



With house prices still inflated over here in the UK getting a mortgage is not an option, and even renting is a costly alternative. I have to work on the assumption that Gav won't be with me when the baby comes (although chances are he will be), so I have to consider what I'd be able to afford once on maternity leave. I could afford something now, but once SMP kicks in (at a pathetic £120 per week- less than half what I get now) I'd really struggle. I know there's benefits I'd be entitled to but I don't like the thought of relying on those and I don't know for sure if they help you with rent anyway.



Where I am now is costing me £300 per month, which is just about affordable on SMP. Anything more than that will be impossible to meet if I'm on my own. Like I said, I probably won't be, but I'm preparing for the worst-case scenario. My natural pessimism comes in handy sometimes!

Had my scan - baby is progressing and growing well, it's already about 3 inches long, and the head is 22mm in diameter.



Was so weird seeing it on the screen, it was bouncing around and waving at the camera, then turned over a few ties and went to sleep on it's face :-)



It's become real now. Now I've actually seen something resembling a baby and not a 'blobby prawn', it's starting to hit me that I'm going to be a mum in 6 months. I've got a meeting with HR today about maternity leave and options, and I've got a feeling the next 6 months are going to go by VERY fast...



Gav and I talked and it turns out he HAS been planning for the baby and thinking about it; so much so he admitted he nearly broke down in Asda's baby section last week :-) I told him, any planning which needs doing should be done by both of us, and he needs to keep me informed of any ideas etc he has so I don't get paranoid (hence the previous post!).



So, according to the size of the baby I'm 13 weeks gone, which means my due date is now 19th August. Sounds so far away but it's not!



*hides*

It hit me today; Gav doesn't actually care about this baby.



He never asks how I'm feeling regarding the pregnancy, or anything else for that matter.



He never wants to talk about what we're going to do when it actually gets here.



He doesn't seem to show the slightest bit of interest in it.



I don't think he actually wants it. It's like he thinks it's an inconvenience which will disappear if he ignores it for long enough. I also think he resents me for dumping this on him, although he's never actually said that.



Part of me wishes he wasn't the father. I mean, I still love him but why can't he be more like, oh I dunno, our friend Terry; devoted to his wife and couldn't wait to be a father when she found out she was expecting. Apparently when Terry got the phone call saying Sam was in labour he leapt over a table, clicking his heels in mid air! I can't imagine Gav being like that. He's more likely to go 'Oh she would do it now, when i'm in the middle of a quest on Warcraft'...then whinge about having to drive me to the hospital...I can see me having to drive myself and hoping I don't give birth on the pedals...



I know the situation isn't ideal for us at the moment, but it's only going to get worse if he continues to keep his head in the sand. He says he's focusing on himself at the moment but hello...you're going to be a DAD! Now is not the time to be this selfish!



I hate to say it, but part of me wishes I'd never gotten pregnant. Or rather, if I'd known my first proper pregnancy was going to turn out like this; I'd have stayed on the pill.



Still, I've got my 12 week scan tomorrow. Perhaps once he can see a baby-shaped blob on the screen as opposed to a prawn-shaped one, he might wake up and realise he has to face up to his responsibilities. I've had to, now it's his turn.

I've just seen the cutest little goth baby clothes! A full layette set in black with a red skull and crossbones on, featuring a bib, layette gown, romper suit, hat, blanket and bootees, all for $50! WANTWANTWANT



No way is this kid gonna be shoved in pastels...